I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
