I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
