i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
