She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
