Ambien. No doubt about it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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