peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
