Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize