Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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