I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
