I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
