I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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