WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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