at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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