Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
