Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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