We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We need to get me chipped asap
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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