Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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