Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
