you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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