Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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