my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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