the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
