OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
