hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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