You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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