Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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