try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
