i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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