the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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