I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
