The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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