At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize