what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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