my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
