Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
