you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
