there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
