considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
