oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He kissed a someone with a penis
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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