Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
