i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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