the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
