How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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