Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
