kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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