I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
