Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
