woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
