two words...techno handjob
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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