Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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