Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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