One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Too much gin, very little bucket
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
