I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
