it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
