capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
