I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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