11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
