the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
