Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
