i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
