all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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