he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
