I love black thongs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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