The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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