you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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