i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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