it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
