I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
