There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
