I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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