don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
