Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
