college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
