i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize