I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I understand Curling. That high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
