I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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