Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
