Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
