eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
