Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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