I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
