im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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