It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize