i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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