Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
