he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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