If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
