I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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