I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize