why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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