You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
