i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
