After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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