So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize