why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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