and she was petting her beer can
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
