The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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