it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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