i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
