I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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