69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize