have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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