Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
