i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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