the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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