If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
