I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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