Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
