Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
