i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
