loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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