I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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