wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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