Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sorry about my life...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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